piinkkishh

2012-01-01T13:55:00.002+08:00

It's a new year now - 2012. Yet I feel that the whole world is leaving me behind, further and further behind. Honestly all these years that have passed- now being 21 soon- it still felt as though I was just 14. I have not grown up and every year st would tell me to grow up. Even till now I never felt my rebellious actions, those crazy insane things that I did back then when I was 14,15 I never felt it was wrong ever. People judge me, disgusted by my insanity but I never regretted anything I ever did. I wish I could grow up- but I can't, sadly.

2011-02-16T19:23:00.002+08:00

Feeling kinda tired today. Dont know why but it seems so stressful and hectic these few days. Exams are like coming in two wks time and im still not here nor there yet! Trying hard to make myself study next week. Got the feeling of closing down fb... its so boring and sickening. sometimes i just really hate the crowd and just want to be alone. Just u, me and april (: life looks so much simpler and relaxing that way... The more friends i have the more stress i feel :/ weird chemical reaction in my body.. :/ oh well.. After this owk project done then dont have to think about things so much anymore! (: ps. Having like MAJOR fun with my new amps :p drowning myself in jared leto's voice and electric guitar distortion sounds.... Never had the best of music before (:

CHEERIOS LOVE YOU (:

2011-02-13T00:14:00.002+08:00

WHEEEEEE~~~~~
new amps today :D Went to kl house for cny party and all me st and john did was cramp at the table of food and ate ALOT while the others were busy playing... ohwell must've gained some weight again but i couldnt care less anymore... Used to be very weight concious but ever since being with teddy, we just had LOADS of fun chewing on chocolate bars and savouring many diff flavours of ice cream... X) yummy!! never had so much fun eating food for the first time in my life... and after being at kl house we went to bras basah complex to test out the amps.. man my electric is so SO freaking heavy!!!! and tried out the Marshall amps.. wanted a small one to hide in my house so that my mom wont know! If she knew she'd complain like helll... but i've already cleared 2 guitars outta house ): only have 3 in my room now.. ): and she's still complaining BLAH BLAH BLAH.... how annoying..

Decided Marshall amps arent that good unless getting the big concert kind which is freaking FANTASTIC!!! i got so hooked on the amps that i jus refuse to leave the shop! lol..

ohwell in the end bought a nux amps.. it was kinda cool with alot of different effects and sounds better than the Marshall small amps. Hiding my amps in my clothes pile in closet!!! i guess she wont ransack that place... Cross my fingers and hope not!

LOVE 30 SECONDS TO MARS!!! amazing band with amazing album even though they are main stream now.. lots of band go mainstream and lose their band identity ): speaking of which like avril lavigne, my chemical romance, good charlotte..... I used to love Avril with the album Under My Skin and Let Go, and MCR's Black Parade.. But ever since they got famous they just made music according to what society loves, and i think it sucked. All high on drugs and Keisha-ish which is freaking terrible!!! sigh..

WISH ALL OF THEM CAN JUST MAKE DARK MUSIC AGAIN cos its just in their blood to be whom they used to be with their emo-ness which fucking rocked!!! :D

HEARTS TO JARED LETO <3

2010-12-06T13:02:00.002+08:00

Just a thought... Contentment is fundamental to happiness, but don't use it as an excuse for mediocrity. Only when i'm contented with the life i've had, i guess happiness will never be mine. After all, humans are all selfish in a sense of their own way. It's an undeniable trait of our kind.

2010-10-24T12:10:00.002+08:00

A few days of argument and its over. Feel like a long battle where i've been losing all this while. It took me very long but i've given up on fighting this battle. I can hardly cope by myself now and all i can look forward to everyday is for st to come back to give me strength and support me. Everyone asked if im ok im not. But i smiled and told them yes i am. Trying hard to cover it off; cover the pain that is searing in my heart. Hope school will keep me busy. I know he won't ever look back again. I know i will and i can only live in my memories of him. Tears are forming in my eyes but i try to make them go away. Not a single drop of tear. Don't know what to tell my parents. I should just continue to pretend and every now and then they mention him it hurts but a smile will still appear on my face. Living on each day with decreasing strength to support me.

2010-10-19T13:26:00.002+08:00

Today had physics lecture and i thought of alot of things. My friend said she was still friends with her ex, and i asked her wont it bring back all the memories they used to share and her answer was no. She explained that all of those memories were in a compartment stored inside and once its over it would be thrown away cos there's no point anymore. Here i am being so amazed by how she did it. 5 years and it's there. And she said just throw it away - or is it that i cant. I was stunned for a moment, and perhaps what she said was true. That i cant and i wont throw it away. That was the time when i felt so much, everything around me is happening so fast where i learned all by myself. i didn't want it to go away. And i know that its already over it wont comeback. I believe that it wont but i just cant let go of that feeling of growing up; of those hard times where i struggle over my feelings. And sometimes i wished i was back there though it was hard to live everyday but at least the feeling is there. And its true of what he said that no matter how many bf i had it wouldn't be the same anymore. And for this i hate my brain.

2010-10-18T19:38:00.003+08:00

It has been very long since i posted things which i felt in the day in my blog. Today on the train to school there was a mentally handicapped woman seated right next to me. As i looked at her for a moment i thought of how her life might just be so much better than mine in some sense. Perhaps she's just living in her own world without knowing how fuck up the world is right now. More of a blessing than a curse i guess. And it all led to me thinking of the question:"so what if i have studied so much, been through the education system?" Just for money and pleasure for oneself is all i could come up with. And what's the whole point? After paying such a hefty price just to get all those; being mentally handicapped might just be a better thing. Defining your own world without having to live in fear and reprisal every single moment. All we ever do is step on each other; kill one another just to fight for glory and survival. Is this what we're suppose to achieve in the end i wonder. Because there's no escape anymore. This is the road i have to go through; yet i do not understand....

2010-08-20T12:20:00.002+08:00

hellos! now in NUS techno edge blogging. super hungry now :/ still waiting for uncle they all to reach then can start eating! hahas. super bored now.. killed like lots of brain cells cos of engineering..): been staring at maths n physics lecture like everyday! and it sucks. and szeting still ask me how was it when she expected it already... sigh.. no matter what i must still press on! (:

2010-06-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

another memory of me getting fucked up. hooked on overdose of drugs, some part of me felt so angry yet inside of me is screaming at me not to do it. Don't know just got back home. They thought i was crazy, nearly tied me up to bed. whispers of "this young lady is suicial; has made more than one attempt for suicide" and lecturing looks from doctors, psychiatrist, social workers only had one thing to say to me - why. i dont know either. dreams are driving me nuts. work is pushing me to the end. st is not back with me. i feel so out of control. like how i used to be. i need to get a grip and control myself. but im scared; lost and no matter how hard they try, they jus cant reach in to smother the pain and heal the wound inside of me.

2010-03-31T22:03:00.002+08:00

past 3 months my life was practically in havoc! omgg... i dont know how long i can stand this.. no matter studying or working, relationship problems seem to be able to find me :/ n for a minute i feel like shutting myself off from everything n listen to the voice deep inside of me.. stupid-ish me...

2010-01-21T21:51:00.003+08:00

the thought of separation already hurt alot and now the parting and leaving of him makes it worse.. i hate it when friends lovers have to part eventually.. or maybe i never thought it would happen so fast. really tired; spiritually emotionally and physically.

2010-01-18T13:54:00.002+08:00

am working in starhub now.. and the job sucks alot.. feeling so sick right now.. thinking of time to get off work.. been feeling down lately and sometimes i wonder if somewhere something has gone wrong in my life... thinking of best friend leaving u at 6th feb is depressing enough, and somehow i feel that everyone has changed - or is it just me? now i finally understand what it means nothing can stay the same... - even my tigger grows more n more dusty on my desk now - today really no mood to work i dont know why.. just sick of doing things today.. sometimes i dont even know what or how to feel as memories flow down together with ur train of thoughts.. somehow u'll feel happiness with a slight tinge of sadness, but for me i guess its the other way around. something unexpected just pops out into ur life and things that u think that will not be around again just suddenly comes out again.. been thinking of a diary i've kept for very long.. it contains memories of everyday ; how i feel since sec 2 till4.. but no matter how hard i find its not around anymore.. even when i moved house; i searched high and low but its missing.. and it feels depressing like a part of your memory just corrodes away in a corner where u know u'll never find it back.. life is just simply so random and most of the times depressing. i am feeling very emo n sick of the job that im doing - but i dont hav a choice. all in all; being a human is just pathetic enough.

2010-01-06T23:04:00.003+08:00

wow.. been a long time since i blogged.. its been after A's for some time and im currently working. sigh.. i hate the same old boring work everyday looking at the com checking for overdue amt =.= and today i was so crazy i msg jh n ask if he liked me... lols.. this is the exact result of not eating for 3 days... n im so forgetful n getting a lil haywire up there... but i do like him lurh.. just tt i cant understand y i asked him such dumb qn... n tmr gg work i have to face him what am i suppose to do? pretend t\nothing happen? we used to b so close but after tonight i doubt so... so awkward for me and him also.. sian. luckily taking leave on fri to go back ny (: cant wait tho!

2009-11-29T21:13:00.010+08:00

just ended my A levels (: n now im free so can upload my baby bunnies foto!!! (:

2009-09-30T22:28:00.003+08:00

just went down to serangoon north on sunday and i bought a BIG cage, bedding, timothy hay, oxbow pellets, ball to chew on, nail clipper, fur brush, potty and his hay n food stack. (: n of cos my little xiao baobei! (: he's a holland lop rabbit still a baby, only 2 months plus old (: and total everything cost - $313. whish i thought was quite ex cos i only manages to get a total of $200 by selling my hams n accesories. so i had to fork out my own money to buy him (: but he's worth it! he didnt dare to move at all when we brought him home but on day 3 he started to eat n play by himself(: today just brought him outta cage n placed him in our house der small corridor to play n also train him to shee shee in potty... n i succeeded! :D he shee shee in the potty quite a lot. but still shit all around ): luckily his shit is like a small marble like kinda shape n very dry so can be picked up by finger to throw away. and i just went to his cage n called him XIAO BAOBEI! n he came hopping over to greet me (: hahas. so sweet... then i stroked him on my lap as he watched "jia hao yue yuan" t2t wif me! lols. now he's slping i guess! he's super sweet >.< looking at him jus can forget all my lousy freaky grades (: hahas. sch just sucks. just like 5 years ago. =.=

2009-09-23T19:35:00.011+08:00

FINALLY!!! i've got time to upload these pics from micro sd to laptop cos it has only micro sd adaptor cable and then now sending to this big bulky com! cos e laptop is super slow! tts y mus use this! okays... so here are the pictures! (: the doraemon small cute cake is by szeting! (: hahas. she says it looks like the aristocat cos they r cat so buy this for me -.- lols.! what logic is that?! hahas. anyway it was very nice cos szeting sang BIRTHDAY SONG TO ME! (: n also a big aristocat cushion! the other one is from my parents tt night. the chocolate cake from choz. (: simple irrisistible n nice! :D enjoy!

2009-09-09T23:07:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF 090991 (: 18 this year!!!! YES! first m18 movie which one should i catch? final destination? now i can openly flash my card to them n prove to those piggys who think that im not 18 >.<>.< hahas. today szeting came my house n gave me my pressie! ARISTOCAT MARIE CUSHION and a doraemon small cake from pola. hahas. n i mangaed to convince her to SING happy birthday song to me! hahas. altho she was laughing while singing but oh wells it was really nice! and then we watched tv instead of doing work or mug! lols! tsktsk... then at night me and my family went eat thai restarant tho that day sat already eat buffet but still i insisted! lols. and bought a chocolate creammyyyy cake from Choc! yummyyyyy.... (: hahas. i think i'll grow fat after this week cos this friday is my darlingssss bday! (: then buying small cake for him. wondering where to buy vanilla cake for him o! here r e pics for today!!! :D

2009-09-08T14:34:00.002+08:00

tmr is my bday!!! (: hhahas.. kinda excited yet sad about it. excited cos szeting's giving me my bday present tmr... sad cos its still a study day whole day. sigh. was planning to go escape to enjoy the whole day but cos we cant finish studying so the trip is postphone till after prelims (: (: and whats more exciting is tt i cant wait for after A's the dd chalet! only four of us so it'll b quite fun i presume. ohwells. it will definately be. hahas. counting down for my A's.......

2009-08-29T23:21:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since the last post... there wont be school anymore from now.. only prelims after this sept holiday and then its a levels soon... but i still cant grasp my maths well ): sigh... and history... the others are still QUITE okay... things havent been well for me recently. tt day qw confronted us then its relationship gg blatant n plain... like so sick of it already... and i hav no clue what to do n if i wanna do... im trying not to think much n just try to concentrate well for my prelims ): jiayou!

2009-08-15T01:13:00.002+08:00

its 1.13am right now.. an i just cant fall asleep. i just went into my inbox and read russell's emails since 2005.. and i cried. im confused over why i cry. was it because i still loved him? the love that i place soo much pressure on to stop it and hide it away somewhr in my heart? somehow it just surpassed all the hatred i had for him for all that he've done. i guess im just a very foolish girl. i miss him alot alot alot now n i wish i could go back to him to where i really belong. all this while without him just makes me feel so out of place, i miss him and i love him. but stil...i'll just let it be..for i guess he has someone else already n wont be waiting for cookie to come back anymore.

2009-07-21T00:05:00.002+08:00

very long since i last blogged... im still currently very upset over the fact that my grammar sucks ): SIGH............. anyway got back my mid years...which was a CDES and an unknown history... its so horrible!!!!! only passed my gp chem and chi... and chi was like such a miracle! i thought i'd hav failed bcos my compo went off the requirements.. and tho i really did fail compo, my compre saved me!!!! ahhhhhh... i love chi compre than compo lurh... but when it comes to gp, i rather do compo than compre ): horrible terrible! and prom was sooo uncertain. lol. like alot of deciding factors whether to go or not... $110 is quite ex but my dad say nvm lurh once in a lifetime kinda thing.. and i missed out my sec sch prom too.. so might as well just go. but its so.......pissed when i talk about them -.- NVM...

2009-07-09T15:57:00.002+08:00

just went rammaging thru internet last night and i realised ashley tisdaale's new album- Guilty Pleasure... it was an amazing album... something similar content to avril's second album on Under My Skin... im not an ashley tisdale fan and to admit i dislike her.. but this new album of hers is really fantastic, dont know why the London Paper criticised this album... anw.. How Do You Love Someone, Its Alright Its Okay, Switch, Tell Me Lies, What If, Acting Out, Delete You, Erase And Rewind, Masquerade, Me Without You... excellent songs that i've discovered (: im gonna buy her album!!!! :D anw, here's How Do You Love Someone:

Momma never told me how to love,
Daddy never told me how to feel,
Momma never told me how to touch,
Daddy never showed me how to heal
Momma never set a good example,
Daddy never held mommas hand
Momma found everything hard to handle,
Daddy never stood up like a man
I’ve walked alone, broken, emotionally frozen,
Getting it on, getting it wrong

How do you love someone, without getting hurt,
How do you love someone without crawling in the dirt
So far in my life clouds have blocked the sun
How do you love, How do you love someone
How do you love, How do you love someone

I was always a chosen child,
The biggest scandal I became,
They told me I’d never survive,
But survival's my middle name
I’ve walked alone, hoping, just barely coping,
Getting it on, getting it wrong

How do you love someone, without getting hurt,
How do you love someone without crawling in the dirt
So far in my life clouds have blocked the sun
How do you love, How do you love someone
How do you love, How do you love someone
It’s hard to talk, see whats deep inside,
it’s hard to tell the truth, when youve always lied

How do you love someone, without getting hurt,
How do you love someone without crawling in the dirt
So far in my life clouds have blocked the sun
How do you love, How do you love someone
How do you love someone, and make it last,
How do you love someone, without shrinking on the past
So far in my life clouds have blocked the sun
How do you love, How do you love someone
How do you love, How do you love someone Someone

2009-06-21T21:35:00.000+08:00

Marry me today
Guess I’m wishing my life away
With these things i'll never say (:

2009-06-21T21:24:00.005+08:00

wow. weekends are over soon... thats fast. ytd was such a horrible day. went to my dad's friend wedding at mandarin hotel. the bride was beautiful and i thought i saw the bride taller than the bridegroom. lol. anw i was seated in a table with her family which was soooo bad luck. there's nothing much we talked about cos obviously we r two different world people. and i had to put on a smile constantly and act demure in front of my mom's whole circle of friends there. gosh that was so hard! but i noticed a cute guy there; but he's from china >.< and the thought of admiring him just vanished. lol. so i guess the whole night i was just dreaming of something else. and i feel so much like slapping her when she and her brother (who was from ny too last time) said that he was irritating and that his lessons are so useless that dont even go for them. lol. but i stil smiled sweetly at them till my mouth aches man. god.... sickening dumb dumb.

2009-06-16T00:40:00.002+08:00

my darling is sick today... oh no, first we were in sch doing mock chi exam paper. and she ran to toilet like - 3 times? total shit in school for around 6 times? omg. and i just msged her and she's running a fever - 38 i think. send u a huggy across time and space (: awww... hope u feel well after a good rest. u shouldn hav come sch today and take tt test wif me when its not compulsory for u.... but anw im touched and rest well!!! hope u get ur dream and slp till 11 plus tmr(: dont remind me of the old woman face in drag me to hell. gosh. that was so disgusting and i hope u enjoyed watching with me (: when all i did was screaming like hell and grabbing onto u - practically hugging u already. too bad we watched at century sq ): if its GV then can lift tt stupid arm rest and jus hug u like crazy. lol. xin ku ni ler (: we went cycling that day at east coast! (: hahas. just a few hours and u've learnt how to ride! im impressed and proud of u! hahas. altho in the end u strained ur ankle or smthing and swollen now. looking at e bruises on ur legs just makes me feel sorry for it. lol. but im having alot bruises too ): esp e one on my head - CHILD ABUSE!!!! stil there ): eppps. feeling cold now - shivering >.< better go slp liao (: nighty nighty! AND I WANT A HUG HUG *wink wink*

2009-06-15T23:24:00.002+08:00

night time; especially late nights. always makes me emotional. staring out at the window of my new apartment searching out for ur presence. so far yet so near. the feeling is unknown. longing for u is all i do every night that it has become my routine. i think of things that are impossible and dream of dreams that will never happen. want to tell u that i care for u but i cant; so much inside of me yet i can disseminate all out. bottled up feelings has a limit too. and im pondering over this.

2009-06-15T22:50:00.002+08:00

"Things I'll Never Say"

I’m tugging at my hair // I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool // I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet // My cheeks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head
Cause I’m feeling nervous // Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it // You’re worth it Yeah

If I could say what I want to say // I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night // Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see //I want to see you go down
On one knee // Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away // With these things I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good // It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you // What’s on my mind
If it ain’t coming out // We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

What’s wrong with my tongue // These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble // Like I’ve got nothing to say

Guess I’m wishing my life away // With these things I’ll never say
If I could say what I want to say // I'd say I wanna blow you...away
Be with you every night // Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see // I want to see you go down
On one knee // Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away //With these things I’ll never say
These things I’ll never say

2009-06-10T15:09:00.002+08:00

i really dont know what i am. i just feel very tired now and i dont know why i am like that. i always thought that i've recovered from depression since 3 years ago. but how i've realised i haven't. in school i've to be a happy person in front of my friends and even teachers, let them make fun out of me. they thought i was a happy person. but someitmes i cant help but feel that im not. things that i thought i can put down and forget; but i cant. sometimes i just feel so helpless that im desperately needing a hug from someone. to tell me everything is fine. but i cant persudae myself that it is. cry is all i can do to let it all out. i just want to inject drugs into my body to make me sane, hurt myself to snap out of the pain im feeling. this time round, im not going to the hospital anymore, i wanna try to live out of it. even if there's no one i could trust

2009-06-08T21:14:00.003+08:00

been feeling horrible since morning today. i had terrible nightmare last night... i just msged him but he nv replied. but i didnt probe any further. listening to Holiday by Hilary Duff. its a great song. reflects out all the sadness in my life. sometimes i just feel that my life sucks - or its just my brain sucks. im making myself miserable yet im allowing my brain to continue with this madness. leave me on the road to obselence. i feel so terrible; inside out. and im just speechless now. neurologists-please suck out my brain. i rather be a brainless retard person. at least they dont think too much. thinking too much hurts oneself, reflection is what everyone should pursue; but further pursue only leads to brain damage, self damage on ur heart mind and soul. its a terrible feeling, excruciating feeling to think about these things. take a holiday - what i want right now at this moment this minute.

2009-06-02T21:22:00.002+08:00

25 REASONS WHY I ALWAYS SUCCEED IN EXASPERATING MY GP TUTOR!

1. I always choose the wrong question for the wrong reasons (my fav ones are about mass media, when i can talk about how weatern values in newspaper, a movie, televisions shows and in radios corrupted Asian Confucius traditions or how violence and sexual programmes turn people into rapists and mass murderers)

2. I always fail to appreciate the SIGNIFICANCE of key words in essay questions like "only" "largely" "merely" and "best".

3. I always MISINTERPRET key words : I am convinced that " largely" actually means "solely/totally/completely", that and that "best" really means "good".

4. I always open my essay with the same topic sentence, regardless of the essay title.

" At the dawn of a new millennium, in this fast-paced, stressful, paper chase modern day society that we live in today, we have come a long way since cave men days when we used to hunt dinosaurs with sticks. "

THis kind of profound observation is guaranteed to impress the examiner.

5. I always neglect to provide an incisive answer to a question in a concise and impressive thesis statment at the end of my opening statement at the end of my opening paragraph. Instead i like to either merely repeat the question, or totally ignore it, or (and this is my favourite!) answer an entirely different one!

This adds an element of suspense to my essay, keeping my marker guessing to the very end. Sometimes, he can finish the entire essay and STILL NOT KNOW what my position on the issue is!

6. I always enjoy making exxagerated claims, sweeping statements and over-generalisations :

eg. If the govt bans capital punishment, many more crimes wil be committed which will lead to chaos.

This demonstrates that i am a courageous individual, fully prepared for any worse case scenario that may befall my hapless country!

7. I always like to give a totally one-sided case, ignoring all possible counter-arguments and failing to acknowledge other points of view.

This shows the examiner that i am a very determined and decisive person who refuses to be side-tracked or be persuaded by other people's opinions.

8. Even though i know my script will be marked by someone from the U.K, i always like to accuse 'Westerners' of being totally responsible for all the problems plaguing my society. I also enjoy pointing out that drug-taking, violence, promiscuity, rude behaviour, selfishness, decadence, materialism, and a total lack of filial piety are Western 'values' that virtuous Asians had never even heard of until they were 'infected' with them. The truth must be told, no matter how painful.

9. I always use slang expressions like "a must", "kids" and "smart". Even if an essay question contains the word "films", i insist on changing it to "movies". I always refer to mankind as "human" - I wouldn't be human if i didn't. My teacher keeps telling me to use more 'felicitous' expression, but how can i when i don't even know what 'felicitous' means???

10. Being a modest person, i always ignore my teacher's compliments about my handwriting being "execrable" and "unintelligible". Basically, I set my own standard here, which is : " If i can read it, why can't you?"

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. etc....

Of course there are more but at least these few ten are the ones i would recommend to other students bcos they are guaranteed to succeed!

© HCI/2008

2009-06-02T21:16:00.003+08:00

many people asked me whether i believe in fate. i guess i do (: life has been easier since holidays are here. i've been slacking for three whole days touching no books at all. PUZZLE! -is my new favourite; or it has always been ever since there's a word called holiday in my life. anw i just got intimate with arab-israel and origin of cold cold war today worh. lol. feel tt they are so immature childish and dumb to be so stupid.... fight fight fight.,.... never give a thought to ppl who are studying these things; and they NEVER seem to learn from their mistakes after all. sigh. more and more to come. all those dates are so diff to rmb.... at least i rmb 1948war, 1973 yom-kippur,1956 suez canal... lucki8ly my memory stil serves me well. and i decided to leave out KW and CMC. (: stupid la those two. luckily since last yr i studied all but these two. haha. just nice came out for last yr means i no need read for these yr. hmm. but cambridge sometimes repeat same qn twice in 2 yrs....crazy. i think they ask till sian liao la. i feel sorry for those setters (: hahas

2009-05-28T20:55:00.003+08:00

today i made you cry darling... im so sorry... i don know why but i feel that im not a good friend that you should deserve. i feel so lousy tt i started crying and ran off. im sorry i was a hopeless girl. sometimes i think the world is better off without someone like me. i feel so horrible and tmr is our gp paper. these few days i kept crying...for so many reasons... and i admit im too overly hoplessly in love with him. im so sorry tt i cant help myseelf from loving him and i just wanna spend my last 4 mths with him, love him, cherish him. just let me listen to his laughter; his melodic voice just a few more times. let me just see him just a few more months. and on that real last day; just let me cry my eyes out just to have his last comfort. time is running out for me and i know u love me darling; but i really wanna choose this road myslef. to cont to love him and care for him. its like a drug and i cant do without him. u know it- without him i'd purposely injure myself to feel the pain in my heart, the physical pain on my leg. i know i sound crazy, but im not a sane person in the first place. hurting myself is just another way of running away from pain i hope u understand this. that im different from you. and pls dont cry anymore. i loved you.... it'll hurt me to see u cry. gd luck for tmr- this i pray sincerely for you...

2009-05-27T21:02:00.002+08:00

OMG. today i went to tell him about mona's sms tt said he was her husband! lol... i am so speechless by what i have done too... i loved him yet i told him mona loves him. what the hell am i doing? and john is pressing me to confess to him about my love for him... i wanted to ask whther he prefer me or mona but i jus coulnt part my lips to say those words. and i dont know if its fate but today all his consultation slots were jus nice e days i dun hav to come for sch. and just now lin laoshi sms me tell me change to thurs which is like he's going to sch too... omg. is it fate or what.... jus spoken to keon. he was telling me his sch sec3 girl also same then e tcher send her for counselling after hearing what she said. but i'd like to clarify tt im not a small young girl anymore. i can decide for what i want and i am a fully grown up woman. so pls... if he's gonna send me for counselling, just forget it. bcos im not a girl anymore. im 17 going on 18 for god's sake. and i can think properly. i dont know why i am so frustrated but i just wish to try it. confess and lets just see what happens next....i loved him.

2009-05-25T23:02:00.003+08:00

sat went out eat steamy boat with qian hui, pakky, szeting and me (: hahas. we were supposedly eating at bugis one then too many ppl queue-ing so we offered to take the bus to e more ulu one at joo chiat. hahas. we thought there were more ppl coming up to e small bus! but there wasnt... and we were like starting to suspect whether is it a kidnapper or smthing. lol. so silly (: had fun with them and i ate mostly HOTDOGS! hahas. sze say i lang fei qian ): so bad lor. lol.. pak was extremely cute when she was the only one who add so many toppings for her ice cream. hahas. center of attraction of the day was pakky.... (: so ke ai... next time if wanna eat buffet, can only call qian hui and sze... only they eat so much... eat so much stil so slim... sigh... *jealous* hahas...anw jus finish writing my history eassay..........FOR THE THIRD TIME. wow... im impressed by my will to keep writing till its perfect (: till he likes it (: anything he ask me to do i surely will do... and monica scolded me jus bcos mr s scolded her for disturbing me jus now! hahahahahhahahs....
ps: mona, ur wink doesnt do much against the fact that he scolded u for me! lol
and many ppl tell me to jyjy jio him. but i know its crazy... still, i'll love him in my heart, the love that will be unheard :D xoxo, nights seq

2009-05-23T00:01:00.002+08:00

Lifehouse - Blind

an excellent song that makes me think of him knowing its impossible.

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

2009-05-22T23:55:00.003+08:00

today....alot of teachers know about it i guess. and somehow i feel that he knows about it just that he doesnt wanna say it out. i prefer things this way. jus crushing on him forever and ever till god knows when. but i guess this infatuation is hard to get rid of. cos jus when i was about over wif thinking of him all day, i dream of him just randomly. randomness....has caused me trouble. it is jus the randomness of things that has caused me to crush on him again and its getting hard to retract my feelings. oh wells. my eyes are closing right now and all i can think of is bed and a gd dream of me and him. oh wells. i feel like a si bian tai.. like wad szeting said. but nvm...cos i saw him playing soccer this evening til i shuang (: hahahahas... images are flashing through my mind rapidly, the wind is blowing into my ears strongly....i know its wrong to like him....but i still wil and do love him...

2009-05-21T20:00:00.002+08:00

just moved house to east coast here... few nights ago suddenly dreamt of mr s again... today only see him once. very sad.. sigh... i think i go sch everyday is just to see him... ): miss him. tmr i wanna see him!!!

2009-05-03T22:36:00.002+08:00

3 and a half days have passed. and fear not, im getting better every single day (: right here, i wanna thank my friends whom have given me loads of support, spamming my fone wif sms... lol. so tt i wont think of him... thankyou szeting, zixian, nigel, sihua, mel and abigail for ur support! :) i promise i'll be fine. n go thru my a's :D love you people hahas...

2009-04-30T16:25:00.003+08:00

it is not okay for a guy in relationship to HUG another girl jus because tt girl is his "sister"... sigh. feels tired now. things will get better i hope. i was thinking....was i wrong in believing the wrong person? one whom i thought was good turned out bad and one i thought was bad turned out....good? i dont know. but really feeling hurt n lonely. i know u'll b dere for me szeting (: i try not to disrupt ur happy date wif ERNEST worh... hahas. i guess the worse part of breakup is having no one to go out wif u during the weekends ): its jus different... 6 more months to a lvl.. n im confused, hurt, lost... will someone bring me back up? chills...

2009-04-21T14:25:00.001+08:00

YAY! i skipped gp lecture now and im in com lab skiving away wif yijia... we r so bored. n im studying my chi lit liu guo lun... sighs. wil anyone understand this pain n torture of doing n studying this? OMG. n last of all - IM NOT CHEENA! (: bcos i dont speak chinese (:

2009-04-16T21:58:00.002+08:00

okays... my syf is just over! (: but sadly we got a silver... but still we really did our best n although we didnt get a gold, at least we enjoyed tt six minutes on stage. i remember it was so dark till i can only see the row of judges. its as if the whole theatre no ppl >.< now that syf is over, i may nt be dancing anymore till next year in uni or something. sigh... miss the times we spent together in dance being so crazy... (: but still there are times where everything has to come to an end. our tiring yet exciting rehearsals n trainings have come to an end. but these memories n all my friends will be etched deeply in my mind (: today just met kat also... we started talking about marist n she talked to me about russell. i dun know if he's attached n i dun wanna know either.. sometimes i really wonder is it that im still unable to move on? or is it v long nv see my darling then jiu hu si luan xiang? sighs... nv see him for 2-3 weeks. we havent gone out for so long. miss him. just like what szeting said:" if its yours, it would have already been yours earlier; so just move on let it go..." anw... cant wait for sat! :D

2009-04-09T15:01:00.002+08:00

im impressed... i've like almost 10 blogs? lol.. n all of them were depressed and sadistic. had so much of russell's stuff.. hmm. last night i dreamt of him too. but its nt a gd dream so yeah... anw i was just thinking if we stil hav a link t2t, something seems to not end btw us yet... anw dun care so much. tired right now.. a bit sick. >.< sighh, i wan change fone but no money ):

2009-03-10T20:27:00.002+08:00

tmr's gonna be a day of hell for me. training from 745 till evening 6
OMG! haix. n my hand is freaking pain. but i will stil dance anway... mr s asked bout my hand!!! *blushes* hahas. he's so cute. :/ anyway i feel so tired now. tmr gotta wear uniform - JUST FOR THE SAKE OF MORNING ASSEMBLY! wtf. then i stil require to bring a jacket (cos the costume will be worn in side when we leave sch which is so unglam so need jacket cover) n costume, shoes, hair pins etc, dancing pants, orentation tee. n i need wear uni just for the sake of flag raising. omg. tts like so crazy. gotta bring so many stuff stil need wear uni! siao already. i think tmr i dun wanna wear lor. waste my time. arrgh

2009-03-05T22:41:00.002+08:00

hahas.. just read szeting's blog. its freaking funny. lol. as i always say... OPEN YOUR EYES BIG BIG SZETING! its cos of ur eyes tts y u ALWAYS miss out this, miss out that, even write wrong words. oh wells. hahas. u say until im like some philosopher. wow. mayb i should go n take this subject in uni! lol. some philosopher course. then i sure can make it. LOL. im reading thru my maths appli integration n im feeling so restless now. eeeeps. omg. so sian of it lurhs... but nvm lar. jus cont reading. left with vol of solid revolution. arrgh! then can slp (: hehehhehehehe. tmr im gonna see my fav mr s again! :D loads of lovey lovey!

2009-03-02T19:57:00.002+08:00

i hurt myself again today. i dont know why but i kept crying. then i used my nails to try to cut myself. luckily szeting was there n stopped me if not i would have bled. i don know why but i feel so much anger n pain inside my heart till for a moment i wanted to run up to the highest floor and jump down. just like in my dream. but it didnt hurt at all.. i dont know if something's wrong inside me but my heart and head hurts alot. just broke up with my bf too... he asked me if i can stop getting angry at smallest things he'd not b angry anymore. but it means i have to change myself. if u really love someone u will accept him/her. and besides its my character its not so easy to change just and when i like. like tt there wont be any couples who'd break already. everyone will be living in harmony. i dont know n i havent reply. i feel so hurt and lost. i feel like jumping down. push me any further and i know i cant take it anymore. i need medicine. i need it.

2009-02-27T23:12:00.002+08:00

i think these few days everyone's emoing... anyway today was the first tym i did something so amazing in my whole life. chinese block test was today n starts from 8-11plus. then i was doing the shitty paper n then sit thru one half hour then went toilet , refill my wattie bottie and lastly stolled to the canteen to buy siew mai to eat... luckily didnt see any teacher whom i know of. hahas. tt was so shiok. then walked back to exam hall continue take exam. lol. i think its so freaking cool but anyways i got scolding from my mom esp. hmm. dont know why these few days alot ppl emo-ing.. i dont know what's wrong wif them. n i seem to not know what's wrong wif me. anw, a word for szzzzzeting... is that there's no one u can trust but urself. rmb tt.. n only u urself can be trusted. believe urself n trust ur instinct. still lovesick for him. still never see him. its a week already. i shant elaborate on tt. wish i could see him tmr when training... *cross my heart*

2009-02-25T17:49:00.003+08:00

Its been....6 days since i last saw my fav fav fav tcher... omg. i hate it when there's no school. means i dont get to see him. n i dont see him in school these few days ): saddening. i miss him :X when can i see him again? and block test had been very very bad these few days. hahas. my history essay is even worse. i forgot to take sides. omg. i wrote all agree. sure fail now. even chemistry is quite badly done... so sian. haix. i giv up on my chi one this friday... stupid idiot block!!!!! made me lose my sleep then somemore cant see my qin ai der ): stupid test. arrgh. cant wait for next week. so tt i can see him again!!!! weeeeeeee.....

PS im staring out in the dark waiting for some day to come. dont know what day though

2009-02-21T14:20:00.003+08:00

i've been crying alot recently. i dont know. maybe its cos of bloc test stress. n quarrels with my stead and also my fav tcher. recently mr s jus ignored me, give me the v cold look and shouts at me an stuff. i dont know why he did that but im extremely upset about it. was it something i said? or was it something i did. dont leave me hanging in a city so dead held up so high on such a breakable thread. i think its not jus infatuation. i do love him, i think i do. tts y i've recently been cold to my stead. i know its wrong of me to b in love with a tcher but i seriously do like him. but these two weeks of how he treated me made me think alot. was it that i've been too close to him in the past that other tchers sort of tell him not to b nice to me anymore or smthing. i dont know. i just know tt i've been crying alot these few days and i cant concentrate on my bloc test. looking at mr s picture do spur me on in studying but my mind n heart is so occupied with this matter. i dont know if i should ask him whats wrong. bcos once i know the answer mayb at least i can get a reassurance that its not me which is causing him to dislike me. i just want to search for this answer. what went wrong between us? anw he's been having cold these few days hope he get well soon. i just wished i could turn back time and enjoy the moments he pay attention to me. i love him. i just wanna see him smile at me once again, tease ,e once again. it hurts to see him ignore me. if hurting myself will get him to do that once again, i will cut myself or take drugs. i dont mind as long as i can hav his love once again.

ps szeting... im not angry at you, its ur own private life and bsides im too preoccupied with mr s that i cant think of anything else anymore.

2009-02-08T10:58:00.002+08:00

hmm. i dont really get the part whr i shouldnt avoid him szeting... but anws.. i'll try k. hahas. n i feel so tired all over. my parents didnt but any food for me to eat as breakfast. :( they thought i was still on diet. haix... feeling so hungry n tired. somemore maths tuition later. anw i jus saw a bunch of my beloved fotos on Mr seah's facebook. hahas. guess they were v close together. i will try not to avoid him anymore. i will TRY.... PRATA PRATA PRATA. go eat smthing now. cant stand it. tata :D

2009-02-07T09:22:00.003+08:00

i tried. i tried it yesterday. i've seen him loads of time yesterday. first was after lecture szeting went to the toilet while i jus practically stared at the screen. then szeting came out n kept looking at another direction and i know he's there. i turned over n looked at him emotionless n he kept looking back waiting for me to smile and say bye to him. i did not do so. n just turned away looking back at the screen. the second time was in canteen. i saw him walked past me but i pretend i saw nobody and continue drinking my soup. the third time was at third level. we just looked for teacher and saw him walking towards us. i couldnt take it n turned my head to the other side and finally walked past him without saying anything or looking at him. this was when szeting said that i was freaking bad and i should nt do this to him. i know i was very bad but i stil dont wanna say hi. although tt was what i said but deep in my heart i really kept wanting to see him. so we paraded at third level very often, till our chinese teacher asked why did we kept appearing at staff room today. finally at evening, after chinese, me n szeting walked down to staff room n i peeked into the office. just as i peeked, i saw him n was feeling freaking shy that i rushed out to the tables there. after awhile he came out n he kept looking at us this time n said hi but only szeting answered him back. i stil look down on the floor. he tilted his head smiled at me but stil i didnt hav any reaction. then he asked szeting is there something wrong. n she just said no. and so he walked off.. there is something wrong but szeting just said no. she was like so freaked out when i said i feel like confessing my feelings towards him. hahas. n she had the nerve to tell miss teng today that i like adrian tan- my differentiation bear bear... both of them found it amusing n i was speechless. lol. then i told szeting im faithful n i only like my mr sequeira. she just freaking laughed at me... ><

2009-02-05T22:21:00.002+08:00

just did my maths integration tutorial half way. WOW. im so proud of myself cos i finished question 1&2. as usual some dunno how do but i tried my best! hahas. did 2 outta 8 qns. not bad. tmr then do liao. so tired now. jus read szeting's blog. haha. im so nice she say i force her to write. omg. so bad. lol. rest assured our friendship will still be fine :D we will stil go out buy shoes, try clothes randomly n ur favourite: GO EAT SUSHI! , n my favourite : GO EAT PRATA! lol.. i feel hungry now. omg. i miss my prata. ): anw gf, im nt angry at chi tcgers lar... i don care them liao. waste my breath n energy. if i dun talk n head down in chi means im 80% slping, conserving my energy. POWER SAVING!!!! so environmental friendly :D i should b pasted the enviro friendly sticker lor. tsk tsk. n i jus dreamt of him in my afternoon nap till my mom wake me up :( at least its the nicest dream i ever had for soooo long.

PS i cant find my teddy bear on facebook!!!!!!!!!---n i stil like him a lil

2009-02-04T19:47:00.002+08:00

had a really bad day today. went to sch for two lessons of chines and hist. as usual the chinese teachers scolded me n stuff when my friend talked to me. then when i jus kept quiet szeting punched me to tell me to listen. im feeling so frustrated and angry already. my mood has already been spoiled by the freaking chinese teachers whom arnt smarter than me by any. then was history lesson. it's always my favourite lesson and i thought it'd make my day much better. but it proved me wrong. the sbq was hard to do and hist tcher some sort of nag at me n tell me to stop wasting time when im jus discussing of what to do with my friend. thinking of what i wrote yesterday i was wondering if he read or know my feelings for him but i didnt care anymore. im afraid to look at him in the eye anymore, smile at him or tilt my head one side to say hi to him. i dont wanna be his favourite student anymore. i guess he doesnt like me. feeling emo right now as i think of him. my hist tcher hates me. i dont know. im feeling all mixed up right now. but i know i wont be the huiyi that would always smile n laugh when i see him and i dont wanna be huiyi who's so enthu when seeing him anymore. mayb its my pms. tts y i feel so emotional recently. but i wont cry.

2009-02-03T17:54:00.004+08:00

jus ended sch n reached home. my chem test got 83/100 (: so happy. hahas. tho i should hav gotten higher cos i had ALOT of careless mistakes. but anw it was fine. saw my beloved hist tcher jus now. i was standing up drinking my milo while watching him sitting at the table in front of me. gosh he's soooo cute! he looked at me n i looked back at him for quite awhile then he told the tchers beside him tt im his favourite student. LOL. he's jus so so so so cute the way he talks n stuff. dont know how long i've like him but yeah.. im practically going outta my mind liking him. he is just way tooo cute tt im so obsessed with him. going crazy everytym i see him n somehow my heart beat accelerates when i see him. hahas. i guess my friends all know tt alrdy. but i DO LIKE HIM ALOOOOTTT. hahas.. he's the cutest thing i've ever seen! ok, szeting scolded me siao but yeah. cant stop myself. lol. this sat going out wif alex they all. loking forward to putting szeting n alex t2t! LOL

i do like you; but i know its impossible

2009-01-16T17:30:00.002+08:00

wow. finally end of this freaking busy week (: only stared sch for three days and im feeling the stress coming slowly. hahas. jus had chem selection test todday. hope that i dont get selected for REMIDIAL LESSONS 3-5 on tuesdays. n luckily im NOT in maths remedial! :D three cheers for me. hahas. a math exam is coming n im so sian about it. worse its the bloc test. i love vectors maclaurin's differientiation... but i seriously just HATE and i just CANNOT do summation and apgp... szeting's gonna teach me but i doubt i can get it... my bro tried, my teacher tried... i stil cant get it. lol. i'll jus giv tt chapters up. im not born to do these chapters. been studying alot quite lately n wanna go out catch a movie. i think since october i didnt catch a movie AT ALL! was so busy with syf this yr, open house performance (luckily it was over!) and studies n guitar exam.. omg i sound like a busy woman.. plethora of stuff to do n im tired. luackily today is friday = TV TIME! :D hehes.. anw i hav a new year resolution which was i wanna be more gentle.. n szeting jus laugh hysterically at my resolution. :x im so heartbroken... LOL. i mean im trying but she says its so weird n tt i can never be a gentle girl. n so i gave up my resolution. now im stil thinking of something impossible to do as my resolution. hahas.. anw im glad i manage to get over 11th jan.. i thought i'd be disturbed but im perfectly fine (: i cant believe it. hahas. loving sch without chinese always.......

2008-12-07T18:01:00.007+08:00

super bored right now at home. dont wanna study neither do i wanna play games. nothing to do.. only counting down the days to go holiday. after that? i'll be freaking chinese time. oh man. i hate cha guan 3 scenes.. memorise like siao. n i admit that my chinese is/ was never good in the first place. 9jan having a mock chinese exam. dont know what's wrong with the chi teachers. they're like so kan chiong teaching n tests, but i still fare better in my other subs compare to chinese. like c'on...even gp the most slack sub i can fare it better than chi. so no matter how much they test, IT WONT DO US ANY GOOD. IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE FACT THAT I LOVE N SCORE MUCH BETTER IN CHEM THAN CHI. arrgh. i dont know why but jus these 2 days either i get super angry n pissed over dont know what or i'd jus cry. mayb its jus pms. i hate freaking blood ): anyway.. was so sick n slack tt i decide to sit in front of my hamster cage n take pics of them. hahas. it's a form of destress- u cant deny that. hahas. One male n one female white-face robos (: aww they're so cute.. hahas. the female one i jus bought from shop like 3 weeks ago? n it cost me $3o. super ex but oh well. they're hanging out well. the new robo i bought was only 1 moth 3 weeks plus? n the male one i originally had was like 1yrs old. n miraculously they didnt fight at all n even played well together. at least i didnt waste my $30 on it. hahas. hope they'll mate asap then there'll be loads of babies to take care of(: hahas. dreaming away.........

2008-11-25T21:40:00.003+08:00

freaking tired right now at home. i jus got scolded n NAGGED alot by my mom.. n its jus over photocopying of wrkshts... omg. i cant believe her. she jus wants me to go all the way to her ex wrk place area to photocopy the notes but its like a super delibrate trip n it doesnt make any diff photocopying in my hse dwnstairs shop. wtfriggin'hell... arrgh. sorry guys but im jus awfully pissed off by my mom's ignorant attitude. whatever... then guitar teacher told me today with such progress, i might not be able to take the grade 3 exam next yr. cos my scaled is pratically flunked! (PS i HATE scales n appregios) freaking making my life diff. wads the use of scales anyway? i play music pieces better than skills n i know all the theory. jus playing that freaking scales is a complete waste of my time. n time is wad i do not hav already. next year is my j2 year with my a lvls.. my studies = BDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD countless Ds.. i didnt study anything at all but chem n i jus got 68. wth. forget it.. i gotta chiong my math n for god's sake memorise my stupid chi lit stuff... next is my dance syf next year n trainings 3 times a wk. i've finished 2 trainings this week! so JIAYOU JIAYOU(: I CAN DO IT!!!! lol... feeeling much better now.. hahas. so anyways open hse is coming n my hip hop sucks like hell., i cant do hip hop when all i've trained for 5 years is contemporary dance. i dunno howta shake tt body n hands n doing power moves is completely off my ability.. arrgh... im trying very hard ppl(: n i know u all haven giv up on me (: thx alot for helping me so much. lastly for today, i jus hope desmond is alright (: cheeries...hahas.. love u guys

2008-11-22T17:14:00.003+08:00

its raining outside; im staring into space. so bored right now.. cos im all alone outside, the sky is super dark. cant help but keep thinking of what i dreamt last night.. such a scary nightmare of dreaming russel lee. omg. i think im crazy last night. but anyways, the feeling of wanting to stead again comes back.. hahas. szeting arh szeting... how? i've been trying super hard... cos of the dream i cant memorise my chem stuff. wth... now im here spacing out n blogging at the same time. don't know when this rain will end neither do i know when my life will be normal again. or, was my life ever normal? " The utmost pain in this world is not about breaking up with you, Its the love and memories we once shared" i really agree to this sentence.. breaking up is nothing. it suddenly dawned on me that it is the memories that we've kept which led us to misery and depression. memories which hurt us over and over again each time we recollect it.. stupid brains.. hahas. honestly i cant remember studies stuff well but memories are simply difficult to erase from my mind. lol. im getting crazy all over with trainings for syf and studies i guess... plus with my chinese pw, oh man.. im getting a serious brain crack...
ps yong: i cant stop laughing at the project runway guy. hahahahhahahahhas.. u're so mean

2008-11-15T11:27:00.005+08:00

jus woke up (: wad an early morning.. cos its only 11.27am now. haha. last night bbq was super fun (: went to my class outing for the FIRST time... apparently szeting doesn't know hoe to ride a bike and in the end i rode in the front while she's at the back in a two seater bike(: hahas. played with sand, let the sea water wash our feet too!!! also took a couple of pictures.. i feel so zi bei cos i nv went to a bbq b4.. or should i say my ex classes in sec1,2 dont really organise these events. hahas. nvm lar.. ytd was the first tym and we had utmost fun. riding szeting at the back, we were constantly asking each other "is this very romantic?" LOL. erm... maybe it'll be if we're with our own steads. hahas. silly of us... at night brought her out to cycle far far and meet a big crowd of malays... dunno wad they were shouting but we feel so dangerous. lol. so went off quickly. anyways it was a memorable day ytd and i love u guys (:

2008-10-30T22:19:00.004+08:00

WOW. today was supose to go orchard wif szeting but yeah... she was down with fever. sad case.. hope she's alright... love her to bits..but anyway i spent like since the afternoon till now trying to fix my lovely hair up which is going on unsuccessfuly at the moment. lol. n now my head hurts but i stil cant fix my hair into messy buns.. awww. guess i will jus try again tmr... sorry for not being so active in blog desmond.. hahas.. now im posting smthing... LOL. i've been labelled missBHB by szeting... omg. cos im so like that? lol. tt was fun though.. im a crazy stuck up girl!!! lols. its fun so anyway.. there's dance tmr... aww man. training again for syf. somehow my whole life is stuck in dancing... mayb i'll join dance to in NTU. lols.. DANCING FOR LIFE (:

2008-10-12T18:53:00.004+08:00

awwww.. they're so sweet(: my lovely godsisters(: we played like crazy jus now and im so so exhausted now... hahas... love them so much esp the elder one in pink dress cos i looked after her ever since she was 3 months old. hahas. she's so sweet n shy but her younger sister is so active n playful. hahas. next sunday they're coming again >"< cant wait to see them. muackmuacks to them(: loads of love for them!

2008-10-11T22:13:00.003+08:00

YAY.. todAY see some kid so shuai. lol.. awww... he's so goodlooking in reality. hahas.. super bored tired school cip today. hahas. me and szeting so bored wor.... in the end taking pic. hahas.. at least a shuai boy boy made my day happy. hahas... he's super shy n cute lar.. lol. AWWWWW... too bad he's not my son... hahas. if not i wil b in love wif him liao. lol. everyday so tired wif sch n trainings... arrgh.. im dying. chewing on horrible terrible pw on monday. im so HAPPY today! hahas.

2008-10-11T22:04:00.002+08:00

ytd went out wif jia xing(: hahas.. first tym wors. so long nv see her after since the china trip thing..(: miss her so much. ytd such a lousy day but luckily gt her i managed to pass it and bought LOADS of food to eat. lol. too upset ler so she teach me mus love myself and pamper myslef. so bought loads of stuff to eat at food fair. hehe... yummy!!!! dun care whether gain weight not liao lar. hahas.. had a great day wif her. next week got booked by desmond go out. so cant go out wif her T.T hahas... in the end she hadto book me for next next week liaos. lol. hope to see her soon! love her loadys!!! hahas. (:

2008-10-10T21:35:00.002+08:00

能選擇要不要喜歡上一個人或愛上一個人嗎？喜歡上了，愛上了，就是了。
aww..so touching. haha. thought of the day. today jolin teo suddenly mention jianda when i was talking to szeting bout someone else. damn funny. hahas.. stil dun understand who said i like jianda derh. nvm lar. for fun anw.. super bored now jusfinished promos.... i wanna go chem olympiad... but im not chosen... muahhahhahahha... lol . next year syf for dance ler... tt day training was like hell. 5 tchers were there then at first row practising cannot slack if nt the 5 tchers wil see T.T so i cannot b lazy. in the end now whole body aching.. arrgh... i dun wana stand in first row anymore ): so malu oso.. doing backward rol then so long nv do abit awkward. so malu ): hahas.... anw life is fun! yay. hahas... cant wait to see my results. >"

2008-09-29T15:48:00.002+08:00

these two pics are my birthday presents. (: all thanks to MOM AND DAD, YIJIA DARLING, SZETING DEAR, LETING DARLING, jessica, jolene, wan shu, janice, jianda, yuhua, xinying, chengyu, zixian..hope i didnt miss out anyone. X) u guys made my birthday enjoyable... love u guys forever(: promos are ending hope u guys hav fun^^

2008-09-26T16:49:00.002+08:00

it's just so freaking lousy n i jus hate it. aww man. so long nv update. damn it. i jus feel like scolding. dunno what's wrong with me either. im jus fuming mad right now. fuck u russell lee stop pm-ing me in friendster when u were the one who spreaded the rumor that i had someone else tts y u broke wif me. whatever k? i dun care n tt was nv true either. u're such a bitch. tho u're a guy, but...oh wells.. not letting him spoil my life. feeling super emo. omg. i think tts jus me, getting so emo ever since was in secondary sch? yup. im such a crazy girl with random emotions all the time. muhahahah. im so unpredictable. maybe i'll get the first award for MISS RANDOM. lol. trying hard to not b emo.. im changing k guys? jus giv me some time. arrgh. fedup. damn u.

2008-08-17T23:06:00.003+08:00

today went to see scraw's blog... he deleted it already. somehow i just feel really sad. i don't know why. its like all the memories are gone. n tt irritating freak pm me in friendster again. aww man. jus deleted it. wad a stupid message but luckily it didnt spoil my day tt day ^^ haha. scraw, im hurt tt u did tt. our memories really not worth keeping anymore?

2008-07-19T23:49:00.002+08:00

hmm. today is 19 july :] lol. damn tired now.. jus came bac frm movie wif my family^^ today was the saddest day i ever been thru. haix. ytd exe kp me again. played with wuhimayi thn keep losing in the end pk me AGAIN. obviously was angry. smmore sacred was there n scolded me wtf. whn i didnt even do anything. ARRGH. even apologised to retro guild. what the.... tts y i was super duper pissed n i quitted guild today. tho i stil hanged out wif thm today in game but somehow i still can feel a gap btw me n thm. i joined passion today. could feel so weird n isolated in thr. 2 months i've been in TearsOfBlood.. somehow i missed the guild so much. i realised i always played cabal these few months was jus bcos of my guild ppl. the opening of guild board to check who has been thr was wad i'd do everytime i logged in. yet now all i see are things which r so unfamiliar to me. i miss scraw, proshyt, cuatro, rat, bloodyaxe, baha, furious. now its 1157pm. i can feel my sorrow overcoming my anger for sacred. i miss TOB, i miss my closest friends in tob T.T yet there's nothing i can do. haix.

2008-04-24T20:02:00.003+08:00

long long nv blog already.. >< these few weeks was the most fun of my life.. with my closest friends, "one shoe", darling yi jia(: and also my good good counsellor sze ting. hahas. but these few days hang out if wan shu and yi jia. today was eating n stupid shoe irritated me tt i threw the soy sauce in her direction.. hahas. damn funny la. thn she complained for the next 1 hour to me about dirtying her wallet etc..today while eating wif wan shu thn she makeme laugh till the watermelon in my mouth whole thing dropped out which i chewed half way. LOL. it was so embarassing larrs.. hope nobody saw it. hahas.. :X shit... thn ytd wan shu was very funny... in the lt4, she turned round n woke mark up by hitting his table upwards sia. LOL. thn asked him what he think of the class.. b4 he can reply, she poped out another qn.. "what do you think of huiyi?isn't she cute? " SHE PRACTICALLY THREW ALL MY FACE AWAY. OMG.. what the hell la. stupid shoe. wanna throw her shoe away liao las. walao.haix.. nvm... i think the future will be brighter. lol. lurrve u guys for bringing colours o my dead n boring life. hahas.

2008-03-03T21:11:00.003+08:00

hahas.. today had sch till 12.30 thn peiqi(ahboy) pei mi go lunch thn lib wait for freinds.. first time talk so much to sh boy.. hahas. thn smsed tt ***** ask him if sat cannot go group outing sun can not thn he replied i now having chem lec later math... WTH!!!! thn leting dwn there laughing send back this msg.. today morning i pon breakfast now going et lunch.. LOL. so stupid las.. thn he nv reply liaos.. like dissapear after his last stupid sms..nvm.. so frustrated.. thn in lib me n leting stay for an hour doing jessica's present.. is a jigsaw thn we hav to piece it ourselves n write msg on it thn put bac into box n giv her... so i brought it home n spend another hour decorating it, rewriting the words with purple n black marker.. ya.. n the result: is damn beautiful...!!!! (: tmr orientation.. woots! chill out...

2008-02-29T18:15:00.003+08:00

first day of new timetable... my CT is mrs tan.. thn like so qiao she was my tutor chem during PAE.. so she recognize me.. thn today line up in her class thn she was like eh u i my class? lol.. i was like ya... luckily i got her as my chem tcher :) lov it!!!! leting's one jiu sway.. tio tt dunno-wad-he's-talking-about tcher.... hahas... my class got like 4 very enthu ppl.. today made a few friends... so today i know 5 ppl.. hahas. one from china one from hong kong.. so i very racial harmony today.. haha.. they r v nice ppl.. friendly also.. smmore they all take Chem, Math, H2CLL as h2 subjects... so most of the classes go with thm.. only the H1 class diff.. some bio, physics,econs n me,history... lol. think our class v diff bond.. cos is like there's six diff combis of ppl in the class. thn always go separate ways for lessons after assembly.. >< very envious of leting's class.. stay t2t for every lessons.... mi n jessica jiu ke lian lerrs... i hope the orientation next week wil bond us t2t!!! 0823 rawks!!! (:

2008-02-26T08:03:00.000+08:00

no econs for an hour... so took pic of this in library... a gift from my mortal! (: haha.. so sweet of her:D today see tt xiao ken i jiu angry.. argh.... dun talk bout him. say him i angry.. today went check my class.. 0823.. sian.. no one i know at all los... leting in 0818 jessica in 0802.. >< wad to do? cant find anyone wif same combi as me.. chem, H2 chi&lit , math, history... i also dunno wad kind of combi tt is.. hahas... cant wait to see all my new classmates.. haha.. luckily nt same clas as xiao ken or d... lol.. tmr cca bazzar.. thinking of joining guitar n also the science club thingy.. lol. cant find a cca which is good las.. haix... mus persuade pl join syf! haha... thn can write things in testi.. if nt blank blank one cert dunno for wad. lol. somehow i feel tt 0823 wil b a nice class.. hahas. looking forward! lurrves (:

2008-02-25T17:56:00.000+08:00

You made me a promise, and i know you tried
But i know it's hard, so don't make it hide.

You can be yourself again you know
It's okay, you can now let it show

I'll love you from a distance here
And smile, no more fear.

I'm going to miss you so so much
But you and me, we gotta be tough

We'll recover and we'll move on
time's not ours anymore, so long

Someday if our paths recross,
maybe we'll throw it another toss

Maybe we'll live again someday
but for now, i'm going a different way.

2008-02-25T17:31:00.000+08:00

MIRANDA 7!!!! (: lol.. first thing i see this word makes me think of the one brand which sell the orange juice one. lol. thn saw the banner smmore that house is orange hse. lol. damn funny.... at first was so freak out dun wan go into hall.. but so sway walk up stairs toget into hall see *****.. smmore xinyi stil dwn there checking the name list... i was so damn pai seh la... dun dare to see him at all.. thn saw shangfa... lol. he was like so suprised.. tot i goten into mj.. but thn made him disappointed. haha... thn went tt og7 sit dwn saw jia min!!!! my pri 3 classmate!!!!!! cos i busy talking to my friend. so she poke my back thn i turn ard saw her thn was so so so suprised!!!!! lol. cant believe it! thn she say she saw a few girls thn tot is me but actually is not. thn i joke to her saying u all having a 'look-out-for-huiyi' mission is it? lol... thn saw ***** as an ogl tho he like right behind me whn i talk to shangfa but i nv giv a damn about him. lol. thn played ice breaking game.. realise tt jeremiah is in my grp! the one whom i use my ex phone send i love you to him one! lol... thn keep laughing throughout the whole game.. lol. thn after tt time for me to go back to NYJC liao... very sad... wanted to talk to shangfa more but he busy so nvm.. cos most likely i wont see him again ler.... im so depressed! :'( so many years classmates.. still rmb our pri sch memories when u sit beside me n i always get punished for talking so much.... wil nv forget u sf... thn FINALLY... i called *****n talked o him alone.. thanks to xin yi who pang seh me... thn leave mi n him alone... so awkward... like got nth to say tu each other... wont see him again too... but i nt depressing at all. is sf who's leaving makes me so sad... really miss him as a good friend.. always understand me.. (ps when i was young).. ya. seperation is really so cruel.. thinking of not being same class as leting n jessica makes me worse.. smmore tt leting make me listen to 933FM all afternoon cos all sad sad songs... ><>

2008-02-22T17:09:00.000+08:00

-.- finally pae has ended... but somehow i kinda missed it... suddenly hav to change most of my friends.. cos they nt staying nanyang... saddistic... haix.. wish pae can start again. thn can hav fun.. wan miss lesson thn miss, wanna go home nobody care at all... so shunag.. but now jae liao.. cant play.. posted back into NYJC.. seiously, im quite tired n bored of nanyang already... no much fun in there... so went MJC appeal... guitar audition damn funny.. lol.. but i do admit tt boy, he's way cute... (: gosh... can definately win xiao d! lol.. somehow i find tt xiao d more n more a bit girlie.. no wonder can clique so well with girls.. lways see him with other girls one.. somemore caught him HUGGING a girl today!!!! omg... lol.so angry with him.. lol. tt xiao d purposely want to be centre of attraction like the DSA girl.. lol. luckily i wont b same class as him. haha... chosen chem, math, hist and clep.. did a survey today n realize that nobody same subject combi as me.. lol. now going to choose cca.. wanted guitar but is like so lousy... no syf n stuff... hope i can hav appeal success n get into MJ... ):

2008-01-09T22:59:00.000+08:00

these few days ain't any happy for me though. lessons are so tiring n me getting sick n stuff..... more n more emo im getting.... i need a long long rest i guess. this friday im gonna see him, yet i dunno how i should react. feel angry? upset? or what?... but i know this is what i want. im sure of it, no matter how tired i may be, i'll still be there. hope we'll get back to how we used to be, n not let him destroy wad used to be ours. life's so hard to go by... exhausted is all i can say right now.... JC life is so not me.. i dunno. jus press thru for this week. weekends are coming! yay...

2008-01-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

WOW.... three days of orientation has passed... and its like so fast? luckily no dance anymore><> tt its jus so diff for me to get high>??? i dunno.. trying tu b noisy so tt can get out of emo-ness... i a so tired now as i write? most prob dying? lol. love u guys for all the fun n tolerating me :) esp shi min, xin yi, jia jie, n all the "more close" guys whom we've been hanging out wif...

*im sorry i made u wait for an hour for me..dun come ny to look fr me agn... *